Constantly hoping

 March is rolling to an end. Been a busy month for me. I volunteered at Galaxy Con again. Was a lot of fun. I remember the first time I was here I sent you pictures of Sombra's voice actor thinking you would think it was pretty neat since you were big in Overwatch. But you hardly said anything. Just cool and nothing else. No questions. Nothing.

I guess I should have known from the way you acted towards Erin and I that you would eventually just cut us out of your life. You blame me for all these things and for the stuff that I did or didnt do. For the conversations we never had I take my blame. But I hope someday when you grown up have your own family that you realize that you made little to no effort to  be a part of our lives.

I am constantly reminded that you cut me off. Not the other way around. I am constantly hoping that someday you will see both sides of things and want to talk and understand things. 

You once asked me about your mom and I and I sugarcoated it and said we just did not get along. Because I would never speak ill of someone especially the mother of one of my children. But there is a lot of story that you should know.  Maybe someday we can talk about it. Many things went wrong back then and it never helped.  

But to say that I am this horrible parent and I am the cause of all of your agony. If that is the case then Erin should be in the same boat as you and she is not.  

The real horrible part of all of this was that we did not talk enough. And I had to be very careful in anything I said or your mother would make sure I would never see you again like she tried to do when you were a baby.

So remember this choice was yours. I love you always and miss you and think of you always.