So much hurt

 Yesterday was Erin's birthday. You reached out to her finally. The first time since you reached out the day after you tore out my heart.

I really want to know what Doctor told you that you should send a text message blaming me for a handful of things that supposedly altered your entire life. 

It really hurts. But I think that is what you meant to do for some reason. Is hurt me. I dont know why. All I have ever done is tried to love you and be there for whatever you needed from me.

You probably don't recall me at your graduation thanking your mom and Rick for being there for you and doing such a great job to raise you. I was so proud of the woman you were becoming. And was happy for the few moments I always got to share with you. 

Every day I think about you and hurt. Every day is a new knife into my heart. I realized this weekend watching someone say goodbye to a family member on deaths door that when I die you won't care. It hurts like nothing you can know right now. Maybe, someday if you have kids and they leave you and say you are the one that has caused them so much pain. Well maybe then you will know. 

So much pain, so much anger. You based all of your text on half truths Cara. You warped so much of whatever is going on in your head and put it all on me. I know you have never considered me your father. I get that, but as your father I will take it and it will hurt.  Every day for as long as I live.

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