Dreams and explanations

 Hey Cara

Just writing this because I thought about it on my bike ride today and have thought a few times that you should know this. Every day I have always dreamed that one day maybe you would like to move in with me. It was always a dream. I knew it would never happen but I was always hoping that maybe it could.

Going back to your text to me from a week ago or so. You talk about a spanking. You were spanked. It was not how you envisioned. That is borderline child abuse and your mother would have been on plane to get you within hours of you telling her about it.  I remember the one and only time we spanked you because I ended up on the phone with your mom for a while. How she explained they didnt spank you to punish you they had a different approach. And after that talk I tried very hard to follow that approach. 

You should know though that Erin was raised differently by me and Melanie and it was very hard to balance both of you at the same time. Like if you were both bad the same way with me I would have to punish you both differently. Maybe someday you will understand how difficult that was.

Yes you were spanked but no it was not for missing home. It was for disobeying us on something totally different. Both Melanie and I remember that. But I understand never being spanked before and then it happening one time could definitely be traumatic and influence your thoughts. 

As you get older the moments in your life where you made a mistake and wish you could take it back will pile up. No one is ever perfect. Many times I tried very hard to do what I thought was doing the best I could. Sadly your mother and I did not have a good line of communication as she never wanted me in your life. So it made it very hard to do make good educated decisions when it came to parenting you. Not all parents parent the same so yeah.

Well sorry did not mean to rant about that but wanted to explain what happened there from our perspective.